Amanda Takes Off...

How did that happen?

Today is Demonstration Kick Monday, which I love. We were working on some sort of turning hook kick thing. I don't know the proper name for it. Stand with the right foot back, facing the target, turn as if you're doing a back kick. Bring the right leg up and around in an arc, hit the target, continue turning so you're facing the target again.

I am not very good at this kick (which isn't really a demonstration kick like some of the others) but I did it well a few times. Blue and Goalie were teasing me by complimenting me (Blue especially), "Oooh, Amanda! Good job!"

And then I managed to do it and lose my balance at the same time. I stumbled backwards. OK, not too bad.

Then I landed on my butt. That wasn't so bad, either because the boys fall sometimes, too.

Then I bounced-skidded back into the wall behind me. The bouncing/skidding/head knocking into the wall part was the bad part. I looked up and saw four different hands reaching out, offering to help me up. I managed to get up on my own, but I wished I knew how to say, "that was embarrassing" in Korean.

After all of that, I had no shame. I rubbed the body part that is going to be bruised soon and said, "Ouch, bruise!" Blue smiled at me. I grinned back. Seriously, I wish I had a video, because I'm curious as to how that much could happen from one little kick.

After class, Master helped me write down six new words and I found out what we're supposed to say at the beginning and end of class. I figured out that we were saying hello/goodbye, but I've always misunderstood the sounds that are apparently "kwanjangnim." They somehow mumble in rapid staccato that turns a three-beat word into two beats.

I try to say something combining two verb tenses that I've just learned. I kneel in front of the small desk, shake my head, frustrated because I have to write down what I want to say in order to be able to read it quickly enough to be understood. Master waits.

"때때로 한국이를 배울 수 없을 것 같다. 때때로 한국이를 배울 수 있을 것 같다." Sometimes it seems impossible to learn Korean. Sometimes it seems possible to learn Korean.

He nods his head and smiles. "I know."

I rest the side of my head on the desk and mumble, "그리고 천천히 말해요." And I speak slowly.

He smiles at me.

I know I must look pitiful. I smile back.

On the way home, I do the listening exercise for my current Sogang lesson. In typical form, the last lesson's listening activity was a breeze, which means this one was a mess.

And so. I am frustrated.

And then I read an old entry about running and soccer and watermelon. I remember more than I wrote in that post.

I remember being so nervous because I couldn't understand where he wanted me to run and I wasn't sure I'd be able to do it in what I thought was the time limit. I remember being embarrassed because all of the boys were sitting there, staring at us trying to talk. I remember the only word I understood was "together." I didn't even know "running." I remember walking up to the younger boys and singing the Three Bears Song because I wanted to sit with them rather than playing soccer or being alone. I learned "hat," "glasses," "pants" from the younger boys. I remember being excited because I had learned "watermelon" the day before, but being annoyed that I couldn't understand what they were trying to tell me about watermelon. I remember trying to describe "calendar" or "schedule" and having a hell of a time doing so. I didn't even know who "the other studio master" was then. I couldn't even say "I understand/I don't understand/I know/I don't know" to help facilitate communication. Mostly, I remember feeling like I would never understand any of it.

And then I review the more than 40 vocabulary/grammar points I've learned with YJ, H, and Master in the past three days. And I think of how "전화하다" used to be so hard to say and tonight it slipped off my tongue without any hesitation or thought. I think about how I know the verbs to go with "glasses, pants, hat" now. (So what if they're some of the mass vocab learned this weekend?) I think of how Brave's Brother apologized in English for stepping on my foot and I said, "That's OK. It was a mistake," in Korean tonight. I think of how I understood—without help—"in April we'll be running and playing soccer outside more, so bring shoes," which was said to the whole class. I consider that I don't have to consciously think about what kind of regular verb I'm dealing with anymore.

And it doesn't matter that my vocabulary is still small. And it doesn't matter that I have to write something down in order to be able to say it. And it doesn't matter that I speak slowly.

Because I will understand and speak and write in this language. One day, I will even be able to think in it. No matter how frustrated I may get, the fact remains: I am learning this language.