Amanda Takes Off...

I left Master a message on his Cyworld page warning him that I was feeling very homesick. "Thus, this week I might be a little sad or in a bad mood. ^^" I was darn proud of this message because I used lots of verb forms.

Unfortunately, he didn't read the message before class. I thought he had because he responded to another Cyworld message I left (a public one, this one was marked private).

The space between my shoulder blades was aching from riding the subway four hours a day (which somehow seems much longer than the nearly 3 hours I was riding it) and after working on a new demonstration form NewSabumnim taught us yesterday, he could tell I was ready to melt down.

"Are you tired?"

"Yes."

"Sit down."

I sat down and tried to watch what they were doing. Master crouched next to me. "We go outside and talk?" I nodded.

We went outside. I stared blankly at him.

"What wrong?"

I said, "Cyworld message."

"Yes, you like music, I know."

I burst into tears and said in Korean, "No. I wrote two. I haven't seen my brother since December 2005. Today or tomorrow my brother's wife is having a baby. [...] I am excited! But I want to see my nephew so I am a little homesick."

He understood. We talked about it. While we were talking, a woman appeared at the bottom of the steps. I had my glasses off so I couldn't see her.

"Why is Amanda crying? What's wrong?"

Master explained and said to me, "My mom."

I bowed and used the formal form, "Annyeonghashimnikka!"

Although he understood what my message had said, Master went and grabbed his handphone to read the actual message. "Oh! Amanda, very good Korean! Your friend...?"

"I wrote it alone."

"Wow! Good job!" I'll find out how good this weekend, when I have H and YJ correct it for me.

We talked about NewSabumnim. Through a slow discussion with lots of handphone-dictionary-researching, I think we understand each other.

He said NewSabumnim would be there every Tuesday and Thursday and last night She was tense because it was her first class. He also said last night I seemed "hurried."

I said that when NewSabumnim interrupted with English when we were talking, it confused me. "I listen to Korean. It is hard. I speak Korean. It is hard. I try to think in Korean. It is very hard. When someone else speaks English... I am confused. And frustrated."

I also said that since Sabumnim and TempMaster both spoke English with me at the TempStudio, it was very isolating. "Here, at the studio, I am not a movie star, I am just Amanda. Who is learning Korean." (He seemed to understand this one right away. I don't think he ever thought about it before. Why would he?)

I said, "We understand each other."

He said, "I know. You here ten months now and know more Korean and I know more English and together, we very good." (We reminisced, briefly, about the really hard times.)

He said she doesn't know much English at all but that she was trying to help. I said I knew she was trying to help but it made my head hurt.

He said that he would tell her to try to speak Korean—slowly—with me first. He also said—thank God!—that he would be in class with her as support and he would communicate with me because we understand each other. He said to give her time, "day by day."

"I will be more patient," I said.

Master said, "Only Korean, only American, easy. Both, hard. Everyday I think, oh so hard." I was shocked, because he does such a good job. I told him so.

I felt very defensive suddenly. Have I completely misunderstood everything about him? Does he not want me in class? I apologized for not knowing more Korean.

"No, no, it OK. We OK, no problem. But Sabumnim...She new, she not know...one day, OK?" Then I understood. He wasn't complaining about how hard it was to deal with me; he was trying to save face for her.

So about NewSabumnim, I am feeling a bit better.

We talked more about the demonstration when his father appeared at the bottom of the stairs. Again, I remembered the formal greeting. "Annyeonghashimnikka!"

Then Master made me promise something.

"What am I promising?"

"Promise..." he said, holding out his hand in a sign-language Y/hang ten shape.

I held out my hand the same way. We linked pinkies, then pressed our thumbs together.

"I promise," I said. "Now, what did I promise?"

He said, "You won't cry anymore from today."

I laughed. "Ten months, crying twice. My family isn't here. I am homeless. I have no job. Twice! I think that's good, Master!"

He smiled too and said, "OK! But If I am sad and I cry, I am more sad." He explained that it was one of his philosophies not to cry because it makes him even sadder.

"If I am sad and I cry, I am not as tense."

"Oh really? We are different then, Amanda!"

"What do you do when you're sad? Drink soju?" I teased.

He laughed and laughed and then said, "Yes!"

I said, "If I am a little sad and drink soju, I am happy. But if I am very sad and drink soju, I am very very very sad. If I am happy and drink soju, I am happy."

He grinned. "If I am sad, I drink soju. If I am happy, I drink soju."

I looked up the word "alcoholic."

We both laughed.

Master said, "Amanda, I know your family isn't here. But look," he pointed inside of the studio. "All of them are your friends. All of them are your little brothers. Everyone here wants you to be happy."

I knew he was right. While we'd been talking kids had been showing up and leaving. "Amanda, are you OK?... Amanda, goodbye... Amanda, why are you crying?... Amanda, see you tomorrow... Amanda, don't cry."

"I know. And I love them. But I want to see my little brother."

"I know," he said. "Fighting!"

I didn't want to play soccer for the last half hour of class, so I sat on the bench with Master. Crybaby was between us, upset about something. I joked in English, "Today we are the crybaby sisters."

Master understood. Crybaby didn't.

Crybaby looked at Master. "Amanda's brother is having a baby today or tomorrow."

"I know," he said.

"How did you know?" Poor Crybaby. She looked so disappointed at not being the first to tell him.

I was leaving Master's office when Cocky called from the top of the stairs, "Amanda, wait. Katchi kalggayo." Let's go together.

We walked mostly in silence to the point we part ways.

"Amanda, bye-bye!"

"Jal jayo, [Cocky]." Sleep well.

We didn't need to talk. I knew he'd asked me to wait because what Master said was true.