Amanda Takes Off...

A few days ago I turned on the TV and found a show called HEY HEY HEY! (As in Fat Albert's "Hey, hey, hey!") Actually, I don't know the name of the show, but it was set at HEY HEY HEY club.

On the show were Koreans singing Ray Charles' songs.

In blackface.

I was discussing this later with Good Man, who didn't approve (of course), but who argued that Koreans don't know better. I called him on that. I argued that Korea can use that excuse for one second, and that second is long up and passed.

Before I came here, there were the Bubble Sisters. They are a group of Korean girls who sing pop songs in blackface, while wearing pajamas and sporting curlers in their hair.

Then we have the Hitler Bar (of which there have been a few!) and Korean companies very recently using Hitler as an advertising image. Oh, but who cares about Nazis? "[...]at least they dressed well." Recently a school had an international festival with a parade. One guess as to who and what represented Germany.

One of the theme parks used to run an ad with an "African" running around with a spear yelling "tika tika!"

When Colbert criticized Korean singer Rain in one of the funniest videos I've ever seen, Koreans freaked out. Had Colbert done it wearing yellow grease paint, with his eyes taped back into little slits, Koreans would have actually had a good reason. But, oh, no, we don't know better, they collectively claim.

Korean politicians claim that Korea is "international" now that a whopping 2% of it is "foreign." (Most of which is coming from Asian day workers and Asian women marrying South Korean farmers because there aren't enough females here due to the preference for male children.)

They want their economy to be greater (currently 12th GDP), bigger, better! Come on! This is Dynamic Korea: Hub of Asia!

They want to be Korea, Sparkling!

And yet... Koreans still routinely prefer white native English speakers over non-white ones, with a hogwon recently using "If you're white, you're alright!" as it's advertising slogan. Asians (including kyopos, ethnic Koreans raised abroad) also have a problem getting hired here.

My province's textbooks (I think the nation's textbooks) have one (or two, if it's a really special lesson) token black characters in them. These characters have red cheeks, big lips, and dreads. Always dreads. And they like basketball! Our province provided "international" map shows the sole African wearing a grass skirt, no shoes, big gold earrings and! And! He's carrying a spear! (I'm shocked they named the token characters Peter and Thomas instead of Jamal and Malcolm.) Their white characters are almost all blond, and amazingly, even their little cartoon Asian characters all have "big" eyes. Wait, except for the Japanese, who have "small" eyes. A little self-hatred, perhaps?

They have an ad for black bean tea featuring a black guy (big, fat, with an Afro, of course) rapping. The bean is black! The guy in the ad must be black! YES! We are sooooooo multi-cultural and international and sparkling!

And I'm going off about how Korea thinks it's so sparkling, dynamic, and hubbish and Good Man is just nodding. I know Good Man is not racist. He's also not homophobic, which is somewhat amazing. But we're talking and he says, "I don't think I would have a problem with African-Americans."

"No, of course not, why would you? Have you ever—" I was going to ask if he'd ever had a problem, but I suddenly switch gears, "Have you ever talked to a black person?"

"No. Not in real life."

I hit my head. "You've never met a black person?"

"No. I haven't had the opportunity."

I know he's right. He would have to specifically seek out a black person (or hang out in Itaewon) to meet them in this country. But still, I can't believe it. "You've never met a black person," I mutter.

"It's not my fault."

"I know, I know."

Sometimes I can't wrap my head around this country.

Yesterday I went and played paintball.

What a huge mistake. I am suffering from a cold and it was nothing like last year. Last year it was the older boys, just a few of us. This year the oldest boys were in middle school and we had 30 kids plus 30 kids from Haan Dong Studio.

Master told me to take charge of the six girls. I told them to speak slowly, Master said, "No, she's Korean, don't worry. She speaks Korean very well."

It was a long day, terribly disorganized (not Master's fault, the organization's fault) and I don't really want to rehash it. (Waiting more than 2 hrs in one place to play paintball, a 2 hr ride home in a chartered bus with 60 screaming kids, and so on.) So instead, some photos.

We're Ready to Go!

I love the goofy look on the kid's face. He's a sweet kid.

The student below became my partner for everything. None of the other kids wanted to partner with him. I'm not sure why, as he's a nice kid, he's not a bully at all. I think he might be "slow" and that's why the other kids don't want to play with him. He speaks amazingly good English. He suddenly started speaking English at me rapid-fire. Shocked me!

My Little Brother

Foreign Hair

My mask amused me. Part of it was Made in America, part of it was Made in China, and it was Assembled in Mexico. I pointed it out to Master and he said, "Amanda! World mask!"

Master Listens While a Child Intently Tells a Story

Tongil Trifecta

Paintball Guns

Fall Flowers

Blue Mushrooms

It wasn't all bad. On the way home, the boys behind me on the bus were talking about me. A snippet of their conversation went like this.

"Where is Amanda Foreigner from? America?"

"Yes, she's American. But she's lived in Korea a long time now."

"She speaks Korean very well!"

"Yeah. She always speaks Korean!"

Now, it's one thing for face-saving adults to compliment you, but quite another for 11 year old boys to do so.

Thursday night in taekwondo class one of the kids was making spit bubbles and letting them fall on the floor.

We were in line and Master was talking. I glared at the kid, but he didn't see me. I roundhouse kicked him in the butt. Hard.

He looked at me and some kids started clapping. Master laughed and asked what happened.

I said in Korean, "Master, 'mouth water.' Mouth water," I pointed to my mouth, "what is it?" (Hey, "snot" is literally "nose water" and "tears" are "eye water" so I thought maybe "spit" was "mouth water.")

"침."

"He, spit, like this," I said, imitating him.

Master grinned and told him to stop.

About 30 minutes later, when I was sitting on the ground watching other students, the kid I'd kicked approached me. He pointed at Goalie's Brother and said, "Amanda! Spit! He's doing the spit thing! Go kick him!"

I said, "You are short. But he is tall. I won't kick him." Then I yelled at Goalie's Brother, "Hey! Don't do that. It's rude!"

He nodded and quit.

Yesterday I was walking to the bus stop from school and some middle school boys said "HI!"

I turned and said, "Hi!" I thought maybe they'd attended my school before I was the teacher there. "How are you?"

The boy who'd spoken looked confused and his friends translated.

We chatted a bit. They were all 14, none had gone to my school, they all did taekwondo. How did that come up? One said out of the blue, "Taekwondo!"

I said, "Yes, I do taekwondo."

"Ung! Ung! Really?"

"Yes, why did you say 'taekwondo?'"

They pointed to my jacket. I was wearing the jacket Master gave me. It doesn't say 'taekwondo' or 'Tongil' or anything else on the back, but apparently it's a taekwondo jacket.

I bid them goodbye and as I got on the bus I realized it's always the kid with the worst English who speaks to you when he's part of a group.

Last night, after class, I was changing in the closet with Crybaby Gold Medal Girl. Suddenly water started splashing on us through some holes in the ceiling and wall.

I finished changing in the bathroom and found Master outside. Water was pouring down the steps from the third floor. Months ago he told me that he'd put a small swimming pool up there for his kids.

"Um, Master. Did the swimming pool break?" I asked in Korean.

"What?"

"Swimming pool?" His blank face told me I was going in the wrong direction, so I switched tactics. "Master, there is a lot of water! Why?"

"We're cleaning."

"Why?"

"We always clean."

I put my hand on my hip, "Cleaning, OK, I know. But Master, I've been here 1 year and...4 months. And I have never seen this!"

He laughed, "Oh! I understand. Usually we do this during the daytime."

"Hey, [Good Man]."

"Yep?"

"Do you love me enough to run 12km naked through Suwon after you've woken up, drunk and unclothed in a 기생 [gisaeng] house and forgotten about my funeral? Or birthday, or something else like that?"

"Sure. But trick question. I would never be in a 기생 house."