Amanda Takes Off...

OK, so long long ago I got a new handphone.

Today, around noon, it quit working. I could get "Emerency Olny" service but nothing else.

Now, I was pretty sure that my handphone was being charged to my Samsung card, and Good Man checked my last statement and said it was. But I thought, "Hmm, maybe I should've paid the bill I got."

So I went to the ATM to bank transfer the money. But instead of doing normal bank transfers, companies are now trying to make things easier by taking the bank codes off of the bills and instead using bar codes and bar codes only.

Now, anyone who has been with Microsoft Word for more than 5 years can attest to the fact that making things "easier" often screws everything up instead. Or at least makes everything take twice as long as before.

This magical easy bar code bill pay system doesn't have an option on the English language menu. And at least half of the ATMs can't even scan it. Suddenly very thankful that I didn't get rid of my prepay phone, which still has some balance, I text Good Man (who did this for me last time) and ask him what I am supposed to push.

"It's in Korean only."

"I know. And what what is the Korean?" While I waited for him to answer, I try to figure it out myself by pushing buttons that were in the general area of of where Good Man pushed them last week. I find it! I try it!

Nothing.

I find it! I try it again! And again! And again!

By this time, Good Man had responded. Indeed I am pressing all the right buttons. But it isn't working.

So I gnash my teeth and figure I'll just go to the store and pay it there. I have only 7,000 won in my wallet, so I take out 300,000.

Whirrrrr, whizzzzz, bu-rup, bu-rup. The slot opens and...nothing.

I press the "help" button and wait.

Nothing.

I call Good Man, who works one subway station away and yet could live in Busan for all of his availability during this banking fiasco. He texts that he can't answer the phone.

I gnash my teeth again, take a handphone picture of the message on the ATM, very frustrated. I have never called Good Man at work. If I call at work, it's a Really Big Emergency and I Need Help. Go to the bathroom and call me back or something, I think.

I finally stop gnashing long enough to try to read the message. It says (I think) to call some number. I pick up the courtesy phone, which has no numbers on it and pressed the top button of three big buttons. Some woman answers and I spit out in Korean, "I don't speak Korean. ATM...uh, no money! It doesn't have money!"

She asks some questions and we go around in circles and she says, "Just a minute," and hangs up on me. Suddenly a hand shoots out of the wall near the machine. I hand The Hand my card and the receipt and she says, "Not bank member."

"Yes. And. This, here...uh..." I wrack my brain. "Broken!"

She holds her arms in that Korean X which means "no/go away/I don't speak Englishi" and says "cancel! It's OK!"

I sigh. I don't really believe her, but whatever. I then show her the bar code bill and say, "How do I do this?" And she says "not possible!" and slams the little square hole on me.

I go to another bank and get some cash, no problem.

I then go to the handphone store and say, in my best Korean, "I have this," waving the bill around, "but at the bank the English menu doesn't have barcode. So it's impossible to pay. How do I pay?"

The woman who helped me last time and some other guy are there. The other guy says it's not possible and asks if I have my phone. "No, it's in my house. It quit working around noon today. I think my boyfriend made a mistake. He said Samsung card paid bill. But maybe he was wrong. And this," pointing to bill, "doesn't have bank numbers on it. And bar code isn't working. How do I pay it?"

They tell me I can't pay it and point to the clock. I figure they mean the system is down (because Korea, one of the most wired countries in the world can't get computers to work on Sundays, holidays, and after hours apparently) and I can't pay. I say, "Yes, and tomorrow's a holiday. OK, so the day after tomorrow, how do I pay? What time?"

They keep saying something about system, system. The man says to an old man in the store, "You speak English! Help!" He says, "No, she speaks very good Korean."

After a minute more of go-around I hear, "Show, system..."

I throw my arms in the air. "Everybody—SHOW everybody—not working right now?"

"Yes!"

"Ahhh!" I clap my hands. "OK, when will it work again?"

"Um," says the woman, "I don't know. Wait."

I put my hand on my hip. "SHOW is very expensive, why doesn't it work?" The other Koreans in the store laugh. I'm teasing but the man sort of shuffles his feet and I hit him lightly on the shoulder and say, "Joke! Joke! You, OK. I know. SHOW, problem. I know. You and SHOW, not same. I know." I turn to the girl, "So every month, Samsung card is OK?"

"Yes!"

"OK!"

I bid them farewell and the other Koreans in the store start making small talk with me over my Korean ability.

I then decide that I deserve a chocolate chip cookie for dealing with these things. I stop by the bakery and some ajumma who helped me get the point card a week ago comes out from behind the counter and says to her coworkers, "Amanda's here!" That was odd. I've never formally introduced myself to her. Then she threw her arms around me and gave me a hug.

I got home to find some clothing from Victoria's Secret. Yay! But they've changed the cut of their clothing and now the mock wrap shirt I got (marketed at the same as a few I owned in the States) shows way too much flesh to wear to work. Boo. (Old Navy's "Perfect Fit" shirts are also getting longer in the torso and deeper cut in the neckline. Must be the current fashion.)

By the time I get home, it's too late to get to taekwondo at any decent time.

I am proud of myself for having the Korean skills to figure out the SHOW thing. But that is outweighed by my overall feeling of frustration, since I am now slightly to very annoyed—depending on the circumstances—with the bank, KTF SHOW, Good Man, Victoria's Secret, and myself.

But it's OK because a chocolate chip cookie dunked in milk makes it better.

Yes, everything is better.

At least until I answer the door wearing just a t-shirt and undies, expecting to find Good Man on the other side. Instead it's the "gasuh checkuh" lady, waving her little wand around.

And my kitchen is a mess.

I stare at her.

She starts to bow but then freezes and stares at me. I say, "Just a minute," and close the door, pull on some pants and open it again. "Um. Sorry. I thought you were my boyfriend."

She bows deeply. "Gasuh checkuh!"

"OK, but my house is a not clean."

I let her in. The gas check ladies are ruthless here. She's going to visit my house every day until she checks my gas. She's already seen me in my skivvies. Might as well see my messy house.

In a great example of Korean Face Saving Tradition, she acts like everything is normal, down to babbling on about whom to call if my gas goes out.

Ahhh, Korea.