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That's Just Not Fair
03/30/08
11:59:06 pm, by admin 
, 743 words 
Categories: ...and Takes On, Korea, Feats and Defeats (Language), 사랑?
That's Just Not Fair
This weekend was a rather low-key affair. Good Man, who is usually a bad son, was being a good son this weekend, so we didn't meet at all.
Good Man, like most single Koreans, lives with his family (primarily his mother and sister since his father works abroad). If I didn't understand Korean culture, if I were an outsider looking at a friend who was living here and dating Good Man, I'd wonder what the hell she was thinking, (seriously) dating a man who still lived at home.
As a related side note, despite Thursday's high about studying Korean, Friday I crashed. I started Sogang 3A and I've got to wonder if I'm ever going to break through the low-intermediate level. When I first started studying Korean, progress was so, so visible. But now it's much slower and I feel a bit frustrated with that. Also, I'm concerned about losing my Korean level when I go back to the States because I don't know anyone who's kept up their learned-abroad foreign language after moving back to the States.
The thing is, I actually do want to learn Korean. In order to survive in Korea, you really only need to get though Sogang 1B, in my opinion, though lots of people do fine getting through the level that 1A would put you at. Heck, lots of people learn only Bar Korean and do fine (so they say; the funny thing is that my bar Korean isn't great because I don't go to bars a lot!). I know that I won't have nearly as much an opportunity to use Korean in the States, and I know that in my field, being bilingual in Korean wouldn't be very useful.
But I am no longer learning Korean because I need to but because I want to. I enjoy learning it, I like being able to write short stories in it. I like being able to read stories (albeit easy ones!) in Korean. Most of the time I like to be able to communicate with the people around me (though lately my neighbor has been bothering me and I've been pretending I don't understand her).
Also, although I know the following are probably considered poor reasons to learn a language, I want to be able to speak with Good Man in front of my family without them understanding us. (Yes, that makes me sound evil, but I own it.) I don't want to come across as some twit who lives abroad for two years and who can't communicate in their Other Country's language! Finally, I never became fluent in either Spanish or Swedish and I don't want to be one of those monolingual Americans.
But I can't even get Good Man to speak Korean with me. Actually, that's not entirely true. We've done it a bit. At first he spoke too fast. Then he spoke word-by-word-and-it-was-too-choppy. Now he's figured out this really good method where he speaks slowly in phrases, in chunks. But since my level is still fairly low, we usually switch to English. This is usually my fault because though he'll slip into English, if I stay in Korean, he comes back. But what happens is that I slip into English and stay there.
So all of these things came together this weekend to make me feel frustrated and a bit pessimistic about learning Korean.
I was chatting with Good Man online and I told him why I was frustrated about Korean. He promised
I will practice Korean, but I will not tell how to download TV in your PC
Later, we were chatting in English and I expressed frustration with his living situation. In the middle of my complaining, he said "한국어로 이야기하자." Let's speak Korean.
I stared at the screen. Oh now that's just not fair! We always hash things out in English. But hey, if he wants to do that, OK. Always hashing things out in English isn't really fair, either.
I wrote back "더 어려워! 하지만—" It's too hard! But—
I told him what I wanted to in spelling-error filled Korean. He said something sweet in Korean in return and all my frustration went away.
I believe Good Man when he says sweet things to me, in whatever language, flawed or perfect. But why, when I'm upset, does it sound so much sweeter in Korean? Is that why he wants to speak English all the time? Does it come across differently?
4 comments
And personally, I think everything sounds sweeter and more exotic in another language. (Except maybe German, I just don't like the sound of that language, for some reason.)
Katie, on that note, I used to somewhat agree with you, but now I actually disagree. Do I think foreigners who don't bother to learn even a bit are arrogant? Yep. Do I think people who say, "Everyone speaks English anyway" are arrogant? Yes.
However, most teachers who come here only stay for a year. You really don't need to learn that much Korean to stay here for a year. Do I think they're stupid for not learning more? Sure, but I understand why they don't. Korean is one of the 4 hardest of 77 languages surveyed by the State Department. Spanish, for example, is one of the easiest. I assume that an American living in Mexico could learn a heck of a lot more Spanish than an American living in Korea could learn Korean in the same amount of time.
Also, the D3 workers (the ones in the most dangerous jobs) and illegal immigrants don't really have time. They're working very, very hard, for very long hours and trying to fly under the radar. Also, their bosses discourage any learning of Korean, because of course that makes them more powerful. When you're just trying to earn money, not get killed, and not get screwed over, you don't really have the luxury of learning.
Another major group is the military guys and let's face it, they basically live in their American enclave on base and don't need any Korean other than bar Korean--most of them anyways.
Also, I think people have this conception that learning a language in situ is best. I'll agree that in many ways it IS but it's NOT a magic bullet in any way, shape, or form.
As I've written here before, I can go to a restaurant without Good Man and everyone understands me, but I walk into the same place with him and it's like I'm invisible. I've walked into stores and before I've even opened my mouth, I've been yelled at "NO ENGLISHI!" A few friends have been told that Korean is for Koreans only. YES these are exceptions...MOST of the time, Koreans are very friendly and encouraging, but this happens enough that it really can put one off.
Also, for English teachers, our job is to speak English all day long. That's it. With such a job, it can be hard to find a NEED to get past survival Korean.
Also, when you end up dating or marrying a local, you have a buffer and that can make it harder, too.
So yes, sometimes I think it's arrogant, but sometimes I don't. In relation to America, I am a lot more forgiving of immigrants who struggle to learn English because it's always seemed to me like they were working so much to keep their family afloat. It's a vicious cycle; if they knew more English, they could get a better job, but their current lot in life makes learning English hard.
I used to do volunteer work for a refugee agency in Atlanta and god, those people worked so hard and now I better understand their frustration. I know my students made big sacrifices to get to class, to study. And I know some people would say "Well if they can do it, so can the other immigrants..." But actually, I feel for those who don't have the ability or strength to get to class...yet. I also feel for them because no matter what many immigrants do, there's a large population that wants them out.
However, the saddest thing about people not trying to learn Korean when they live here is how much they are cheating themselves. The more I learn the language, the more this bizarre, alien world opens up to me and begins to make, if not completely logical then at least more, sense.
I've also given a lot of thought as to why this language is so difficult for native English speakers--besides it just being so completely opposite the structures we know from our language background. Living here, teaching English especially, you are singled out by Koreans for your English abilities and used as practice for Koreans learning the current "international" language. Koreans are embarassed they can't speak English (which makes no sense in this country, but it's true nonetheless). It's hard to make friends here with people who are not confident in their English abilities. You are lucky with Master (as I am with Sa Beom Nim), but I've only just begun to make friends I speak to in Korean, and I've been actively trying for 7 months! Most people give up. Finally, Koreans are not used to non-native speakers butchering the pronunciation of their language and give up trying to understand very quickly. Sometimes if you have white skin, they don't even hear that you spoke in Korean. And try asking someone to slow down their speech, and you'll usually just get an increase in volume. Their inexperience with diversity extends to inexperience with language learners.
All that said, you are not giving yourself much credit. Yeah, your improvements are more subtle now, but they are still consistent and impressive (at least to me!). Consider how long you have been here and all you know now compared to originally. You won't lose it all if you TRY to keep it up back in the states.
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