The Sexpot

Yesterday two friends of Mark’s Lover had their birthdays. So seven of us ended up going out to dinner. Both birthday guys were Gaysians, one of whom, E, I’d briefly met at the July 5th party. That one had recently been dumped by Scott, and we were sort of trying to cheer him up, too.

We met at a Mexican restaurant…unfortunately the food wasn’t too great. Still, it was pleasant conversation. Mark’s roommate was there, and she was awesome. I’m glad we got along since Good Man and I will be living with her for a few weeks.

Mark’s Roommate

After dinner, we went to the bar where Mark and his Lover met.

We left the restaurant and went back to the car. Mark and his Lover were holding hands. This area of the city had a high concentration of gay bars. While trying to cross at a crosswalk, some woman in an Escalade drove by and screamed (I found out later) “Faggots!” out her window.

Before I realized what had happened, Mark was gone. He tore down the street after her, hit the back of her car, and tried to open her door. The coward had rolled her windows up. He pounded his fist on her window and yelled at her.

E and Mark’s Lover ran after him while Roommate and I, who hadn’t heard her yell, hung back, a bit confused.

Mark stood in front of her car, hands on his hips, so she couldn’t move. She pulled out her cell phone, and started dialing. He yelled at her, “You messed with the wrong faggot this time!”

There was a gay bar on the corner and everyone was cheering for him.

Mark and I have known each other more than 15 years and I’ve never seen him do that. I was shocked. And proud. (And confused because I hadn’t heard her yell.)

Mark returned to the car shortly, and we headed to the bar.

At the bar, I didn’t dance much, though E and Mark’s Lover both tried to teach me how to follow. Mark’s Lover was a better lead, and E and I ended up laughing most of the time. We were closer in height, so our knees kept knocking. At one point E said, “Follow me, girl, let me lead!”

“I went to a women’s college, I can’t help it!” I exclaimed.

Dancing with E was really fun though. He was keeping his hand low on my back and I teased him that he was trying to grab my ass. (Later, Roommate and I briefly talked about how comfortable it is to be a straight woman in a gay bar because you can dance and flirt and touch the guys without anything coming of it. Also, this bar was just a nice bar to hang out at. The people were super friendly and everyone just seemed nice.)

Learning to Dance (Roommate and E)

There was a lot of line dancing, which I enjoyed taking photos of. I wasn’t using my flash because a) I didn’t want to distract people with it and b) I wanted to catch the movement. I think it worked.

Line Dancing I

Line Dancing II

While I was watching people dance, one guy caught my eye.

There was some East Asian looking guy on the dance floor. He danced with a ton of different guys and rarely rested.

And he was sexy.

But only on the dance floor, where his movements were well controlled, well timed, and really fluid.

E and I were checking him out, arms wrapped around each other’s backs. I said to E, “Eight days until [Good Man] gets here. I miss him. I think he needs to be here now…wow, this guy…”

“This guy is hot…”

We told Roommate to watch him. She said she wasn’t really into Asian guys (neither is E) but she watched. This guy did something with his hips and Roommate and I shot each other a look over E’s shoulder.

“Oh my God,” she said. “Wow. Wow.”

Roommate started calling him The Sexpot.

Some people are attractive, whereas other people are just plain sexy. Jennifer Aniston vs Angelina Jolie, for example. Aniston is cute. Sweet looking. Angelina, however, smolders.

This guy, when he wasn’t dancing, was just Good Looking Asian Guy. When he was dancing, he was The Sexpot.

Mark scolded me lightly, telling me he was going to tell Good Man. But it wasn’t that I was really attracted to The Sexpot, it’s that watching him made me miss Good Man. I’m so glad I came out here, it’s great seeing Mark, but I really miss Good Man. Seeing couples—two men, two women, one of each—makes me miss him.

Watching the others dance was fun, too. Mark and his Lover had so much fun out there. And seeing how they looked at each other…well, it made me so happy for Mark.

It was a great night, and so far I’ve liked all of Mark’s friends. I’m so, so glad that Good Man ended up applying to his grad school before we ever met. Living here, with a support system of friends and 100,000 things to do in the area is going to be so wonderful!

Line Dancing

At the End of a Song

Mark and his Lover

Roommate Line Dancing


A few notes about this post: I’m sure as I get to know these guys, I’ll come up with better nicknames for them.

Also, I am being very cautious about showing faces clearly because I haven’t asked everyone for permission to post their photos on my blog. A lot of military guys and government employees were at the bar. I think the chances of anyone knowing them reading my blog and finding out they’re gay is slim, but I would feel terrible if I outed someone unknowingly.

One thought on “The Sexpot

  1. becca [Visitor] ·
    Oh I definitely agree, gay bars are the best if you’re a girl who just wants to dance. Not having to worry about being hit on by schmoozy creeps is a huge plus.

    And I LOVE that he went after that woman! So many ignorant people in this world who think they can do what they please with no consequences. I hope she crapped her pants when he ran over to her.
    07/13/08 @ 19:37

    Comment from: william [Visitor] ·
    fun post. gay bars ARE fun, when people actually dance.

    question…and this is just because a thought popped in my head while i was reading…is it completely okay for women to say ‘i’m not into asian guys’? and is it okay for women to say ‘i’m not into black guys’?

    how comfortable is good man around gay people? i find that most young straight koreans are pretty comfortable.

    07/13/08 @ 19:47

    Comment from: admin [Member] Email
    Becca, I didn’t even dance, but this place just felt more comfortable than some other gay clubs I’ve been in. Probably because it was country music instead of techno thump-thump music.
    07/13/08 @ 20:19

    Comment from: admin [Member] Email
    William, I am trying to answer your questions and my own blog won’t let me post. It says I’m spamming myself. I think because I’m talking about sex and race. So I might have to do some weird thing and post this thing in parts. OK, the problem is that fet!sh is a blacklisted word apparently. Great.

    William, tons of people were dancing there.

    As for your other questions. Wow, they’re good ones.

    As for being “completely okay…” I have no idea. Is it OK for E, a Vietnamese man, to admit he isn’t really into Asians? (Is it OK that I use “Gaysians” and I’m not gay? I use it because that’s what they used around each other, with me, etc. Mark doesn’t seem to mind. Would I use Gaysians around most of my straight friends? No.)

    I honestly don’t care where a man’s from, I’ve found all kinds of guys good looking. But being honest, I probably wouldn’t’ve ended up seriously dating an East Asian guy in America just because I wasn’t around that population a lot. A numbers game.

    I will tell you that going to Korea and being surrounded by Korean men all day long made me better at deciding what I did and didn’t find attractive. But if Good Man and I broke up, I wouldn’t exclusively date Asians. I’d date whoever was nice to me.

    Race and sexuality is really, really weird. How many times do the (white) male expats on ESL Cafe go on and on about how gorgeous all Asian women are? As if they’re cookie-cuttered women? How many times is the term “yellow fever” thrown around that site? I know several (gay white) expats who are proudly “rice queens.” What about the fet!shization of black men? What about the “size” question that FAR TOO MANY people ask me? Is it wrong if I LIKED seeing other WF/KM couples in Korea because a) it was so rare and b) the jerky male expats on Cafe got to me?

    Is it OK for me to say I don’t like gym bunnies? Or super lanky guys? Guys who have too much facial hair?

    I think entirely excluding one (or more) groups is fairly creepy. At the time time, we have our preferences. Now, since I was moaning a bit too much about how much I missed Good Man, it may have seemed like I would’ve found any Asian guy attractive that night. It wasn’t the case, though.

    Also, about race and sexuality… People aren’t supposed to say they don’t find something attractive, but if they say they find something attractive that can be creepy, too (like I said). But is it OK for me to admit that I love this photos of out hands? I love it because our skin shades are so very different. It makes for a great photo. Can I admit that? What if I say I would’ve loved that image even if I didn’t have a camera?

    OK, I’m just throwing out thoughts.

    Next question–Good Man and gay people. Good Man was super, super pro-gay right when we met. He didn’t know any gay people, but he was very pro-gay rights, and that’s part of what I loved about him. He’s only met one gay guy, but I don’t expect any real problems. I think he might be surprised by gay PDAs, but I think he’ll also be surprised by how little clothing women wear here, and other things that shocked me when I came back. And I grew up here!
    07/13/08 @ 20:19

    Comment from: lella [Visitor]
    “I went to a women’s college, I can’t help it!” I exclaimed.

    I laughed until I cried. That is a great line, Amanda! Great post too!
    07/14/08 @ 16:31

    Comment from: Amyable [Visitor]
    From what little you’ve posted of Mark’s lover, he’s hot! I have many gay friends (I live in SF afterall!) and find they truly enrich my life.
    07/14/08 @ 17:59

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