I Feel Dirty

Today we wrapped up sex ed. I taught the boys all week and enjoyed it. They asked some good questions and I felt like I got to address some misunderstandings. However, today was the day where we had to push the abstinence message, and I felt dirty the whole time.

Apparently, I am not allowed to teach “personal values,” but am instead supposed to teach “universal values such as abstinence.”

Well, the universe my school district resides in must be pretty frickin’ small if abstinence until you’re in a “monogamous, committed marriage” is a “universal value.”

I tried so hard to be subversive.

I choked back a lot of stuff today and slipped in “committed relationship” as much as possible. I said “boyfriend or girlfriend” and “husband or wife” or “partner.” A few boys caught it and asked about it, but I ignored them and kept doing it. I entirely—due only to time, I assure you, yeah—skipped the bit about how a “consequence of not abstaining” is “emotional turmoil” and “getting a bad reputation.”

I got a lot of questions I couldn’t answer on the anonymous question cards today. Questions about masturbation and condoms. I flat out said, “As an employee in this district, I am not allowed to discuss this with you. I need you to PLEASE ask someone outside of the school.”

But one question, I just could not skip. One of the boys wrote on the anonymous question card: is sex bad?

I read it out loud and I sat there in silence for a while. One of the boys said, “Well. Do you think it’s good or bad?”

I finally said, “I don’t think sex is good or bad. I think someone can make strong or weak choice about sex. Unfortunately, a lot of choices that seem strong at the time are weak. And people don’t realize it until later.”

I didn’t put any age/social/marital status points on it. Because at any age, people can make poor decisions about sex!

Ugh. I felt dirty all day today.