Zombie Driving

My brother and I chatted last night and somehow got talking about…zombies.

“Wouldn’t you want to go to an island if zombies attacked?” I asked.

“Oh no, no, especially if they can walk on the ocean floor. Nope, bad idea.”

***

Good Man had his first behind the wheel driving lesson. Because I love him, I am paying someone else to teach him. I asked him a few days ago if he was nervous.

“Well, no, not really, they will not make me drive the first day, right?”

I looked at him. “Probably not in the first twenty minutes, but if we’re paying for two hours of behind the wheel, you’d better drive!”

“But… I do not know how to drive! What if I hit something?”

“They have dual controls, so the instructor can use the gas and brake on his side, too.”

Good Man looked at me. “That is simply not possible!” I just laughed and he changed his tune. “Fine, fine, I will see.”

:::

I called him at lunchtime today to ask how his lesson went.

“Nnnn-kay. I did not kill the man.”

“Well, that’s good.”

“You said he would not put me on highway right away. You said we would do side streets, but he did put me on highway! He just told me to drive! For two hours I drive! I went to that area, by public health, um, Seven Corners, and it was so scary! The signs are too confusing. And I do not understand why I can only use one foot. You use two feet to drive—”

I nodded at the hell that is Seven Corners and said, “I drive a stick. You’re driving an automatic. You only drive an automatic with one foot.”

Good Man slowly shook his head. “I think that is not true in Korea.”

“Well, that would explain why Koreans are scary-ass drivers.”

“I drove all over! And turning is hard. Why don’t you accelerate in a turn?”

I was confused. “You have to accelerate in a turn if you start from a stop.”

“But when I hit accelerator I go vrooooom too fast, even when I am gentle!”

I laughed, “You just need practice. Want me to schedule you for two times a week?”

“No! It is too scary! One time a week. Two hours is a long time!”

I let Good Man continue a bit longer. I finally said, “And this is why I want you to learn how to drive! It’s stressful and it’s not fair that I always have to be the one to drive!”

Good Man raised an eyebrow. “You are very sneaky! You let me complain and never disagree just so you can make me not quit and have to learn more!”